Decisions, Decisions

I do want to evangelize and I do want to bless others. I feel like there's this wall separating me from surrendering my whole being to God. Yeah, it's there. It's called selfishness. And unselfishness, but mostly the former. I am afraid that if I deny myself for Him that He will take away what I love and care about. That's what's holding me back.

The verse keeps coming to mind that goes, "For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it." (Matt 16:25)

This "wall", I believe, has been around all my life. I have NEVER totally submitted to Him...I think that it has just become much more evident in my current situation. I mean, I've always known that I've never actually given Him my ALL. But now it's like God is tired of me lolling around, wasting time, and wants me to make a decision-->will I lose my life for Him or not? Am I going to be a half-assed Christian this whole lifetime, or will I ever decide to be a whole-hearted follower?? I feel like I am being faced with this head-on, blatant decision where I have to make a choice. Maybe this is a "now or never" thing; maybe it could be later. But come on. It's so clear that He wants me to make a decision.

This is it.

This is the true test.

What's it gonna be?

I know He's sick of me living this comfortable, uncommited life but saying I am living for Him. Bull crap! I am living for myself.

I know that stinkin' devil would love for me to choose selfishly, superficially, and fleshly.

Neil wants to use every ounce of his being for the Kingdom. He feels like the cross he bears is made of styrofoam. That's how mine feels. There's something wrong with that picture.

So the choice is mine. Only once I make it in His favor can He actually start to use me the way He made me to be used.

So, here we are.