Life

I'm really starting to think about getting old...not because I'm almost thirty. I'm talking about being 80. I think the worst thing would be to be stuck in a nursing home after my spouse and the rest of my family dies and being all alone. Being unable to take care of my own home and my own body. Wallowing in self-pity. I know so many people living like that. I guess I've known those people a while but I've just recently been trying to put myself in their shoes...and that's got to be depressing. It would be horrible to lose my husband now, but what if we were married for 60 years?! Suddenly the person that's always been there by your side every day is gone. You're all alone. And I don't ever want to be living in such a way that I feel like I have no purpose, where I'm not helping others in some way.

I'm not trying to write a depressing blog. I'm trying to think about what I should be learning from this sadness that has recently come over me. I think one thing I'm learning is that I should appreciate my husband, my family, my friends, and my health more. But the sadness isn't just about being alone and physically dependent on others...like I said before, it's about feeling as though I have no purpose at that age. And being too depressed to seek out that purpose. I believe that whatever age you are, you have purpose. The day the Lord decides you will die, that's the day you have no more purpose here. I just never want to stop seeking out what that is.

So this is something that has been on my mind a lot the past few weeks as some of my patients have passed away, or their spouses have passed away and I've been hearing about how lonely they are now. I hope I haven't unbrightened your day. That's not my intention. Just think of this post as encouragement to appreciate what you've got and to know that no matter how old you are, there's a good reason you're alive.

Tarms

Today is our 4 year wedding anniversary. I feel so incredibly blessed that I am married to a man who actually knows the meaning of love. He understands that it is not based on feelings, but is a decision and a commitment. He loves me no matter what mood I'm in (and let me tell you that's hard to do), no matter what mood he's in, rain or shine, through struggles and tension. When the going gets tough, he doesn't bail, like so many spouses do today. He sticks it out. And we are all the more stronger because of it.

I am convinced that God has used him to build me up, to make me a better person...I have felt that way since we first gave our lives to Christ. Without his strength, patience, humility, and wisdom, I feel as though I would not be where I am today in my faith, maturity, and character. He is my best friend, my partner, my brother in Christ, and my amazing husband. And I am so happy today because of him.

Gizmoyr

Neil and I like to sing about our dog:


Little little Gizmo, short and stout...

here is my tail and here is my snout.

When I have to go pee hear me pout...

"Put my leash on and take me out!"



That's right, I'm racking my brain trying to think of something to write about, and this is all I could think of...I'm tired.

God is Awesome

2 cool things happened this week:

1.) The other day I was praying about something and got interrupted. I'm not going to specify anything here because the specifics are not the point. The interruption was something that I felt I should to divert my attention to. Later on I discovered that the reason I was interrupted quite possibly may have been from God. I realized that the thing I was praying about could not be resolved until something else was resolved. And that thing that has to be resolved first was the interruption. So I think I was praying for the wrong thing and He interceded for me. Oh by the way, I remembered later on that the same thing that interrupted me had happened earlier but not as loud as the one that I stopped praying for. I guess it took Him a couple of tries to get through to me. So anyway, I just thought that was really cool.

2.) There's something else that happened this week that I felt was God...it was late at night and I still wanted to read the Bible and get on the internet to look up something before I went to bed. My thought process was that I planned on doing both things but after the first thing, I might be too tired to do the second thing. But I also was thinking that whichever order I did the two things in, it would potentially take the same amount of time; so I figured the order didn't matter. I started walking to the computer and stopped myself because I realized I'd be more likely to stay up for the internet if I saved it for last versus saving the Bible for last; that's pathetic I know. (I've been praying for enthusiasm for the Scriptures.) So anyway, I sucked it up and decided to choose to read the Bible first. I started reading and as I was finishing the chapter, I noticed how easy the reading seemed and how much I understood what I was reading. See usually when I read the Bible my mind wanders or I don't understand something and I have to read verses and sections over and over again, which takes me a while to get through. But this time it was different. I got it-all of it- the first time. It went so smoothly, I couldn't believe it. So I feel that God had blessed me with this easy reading since I made a choice in His favor.

It just goes to show that we really can experience His easy yoke and light burden if only we'd deny ourselves and follow Him.

(And trust me I am by no means an expert on this.)

"Pride" is Satan's Middle Name--stupid jerk

Hmmm what to write about... how's my week going? Well, I have been trying to stay aware of a certain situation that arises almost every day. (I do that by praying about it on the way to work.) The situation is this (very simple really): When I get stressed, I'm in a bad mood.

But if I stay aware of merely the fact that where there's stress, there's a bad mood waiting to happen, then I will be more likely to prevent that bad mood from happening. Or if I do go into it, I will be more likely to try to not show it. Which is easier to deal with? Probably prevention. Cause once I'm in one, oh it takes a good laugh or something REALLY good to get me out of it, and I am not good at acting. I get up to my ears in pride and that's why it's so hard to get out of.

Seriously, the days I don't stay in prayer about it and forget to call upon the Lord when those situations arise, I'm hopeless. But let me tell you there is power in prayer...(if I can swallow my pride long enough to ask Him for help). It's like as soon as I remember He's there to help and I actually ask for it, I immediately see or feel the prayer being answered...either peace comes over me or reason enters my brain, something. He always provides some kind of solution, some kind of a way to get out of the sticky situation. (The situation being either the temptation or the darn thing itself.)

This is a problem I've been dealing with since childhood. I didn't realize, though, that it was a problem, something I could or should overcome until I met Neil. I really feel like God has been using Neil to work on me. I want to be a good wife. My husband deserves it because he is so good to me. He's unlike any person I've ever met. I've always felt privleged that I even know him. And to be married to Him! I'm definitely the lucky one. So anyway, Neil made me aware of my problem, and I started out trying to conquer it for him alone. But now, it's kind of for everyone. I mean, no one likes to be around someone in a bad mood--it sucks. I know how I feel when someone is like that; I want to be away from them. I know also that there's a lot of pride involved in it. And since I think pride may be the root of all evil, I really want to work on it for me and my relationship with God. I feel like He's trying to help me grow in this way as part of my sanctification.

Soyr, hopefully I'll remember tomorrow what to do. (I am a horrible morning person.)