All You Need Is Love....do do do do do....

Now I know that I'm not anywhere close to being an expert on marriage or love. But I do know what love is...and I'm not Forrest Gump. I know that marriage is a covenant--not a contract. I know that true actual real love is always unconditional. That means that if you don't "feel" like you love someone, you can still love them as long as you don't treat them like you are feeling. When Neil makes me mad I don't "feel" like I love him--I feel pissed! But I still treat him with love.

Love is NOT a feeling. Usually good feelings are associated with love. But not always. When people say, "We just don't love each other anymore," what that means is that they have stopped deciding to love each other. And when you make that decision, well I imagine you wouldn't "feel" love toward that person anymore. Love is a choice--it's deciding to treat another as if they are more important than you, making choices in their favor, etc. And I'm not just talking about love between a husband and wife...all love is a choice. If a child is hungry and the mother decides to eat the last of the food in the house herself, she is not loving her child. Love is action. Love is not words. Does your husband beat you and then say, "I love you"? Listen to his actions, not what comes out of his mouth.

No wonder so many marriages end in divorce. People stop feeling those exciting little butterflies for a moment and they think their love is gone. Or a married person will be attracted to another man or woman, and it's such a strong feeling that they pursue it. They don't resist the temptation--they just go after what they want. Let me tell you something I've learned since I've been married--and I was lucky because my husband brought this to my attention before we even got married: It's normal to be attracted to more than 1 person. Think about it. I'm attracted to people who make me laugh. I'm attracted to people who are original. I'm attracted to confidence...selflessness...kindness...humility. And so on. Now all these characteristics are found in my husband. But they are also found in other people. So there may be times in my life when I am attracted to another person because they have 1 or some of these characteristics. But I resist the temptation to do anything about those feelings because I am married and marriage is a covenant. And I have vowed to be faithful to my husband. I guess it's not that hard for me though, because my husband has so many characteristics I'm attracted to that no one else even comes close to being that attractive to me.

I think they need to teach this in pre-marriage counseling classes. Just to inform the two people involved that it is normal to be attracted to other people besides your spouse. IT IS HUMAN NATURE. But I've learned that the more you resist the temptation, the easier it gets to resist. And the more you resist, the stronger your marriage becomes.

Again, I am no expert on this. And by no means do I always treat my husband and others with love. But I am learning. And it makes sense.