Life

I'm really starting to think about getting old...not because I'm almost thirty. I'm talking about being 80. I think the worst thing would be to be stuck in a nursing home after my spouse and the rest of my family dies and being all alone. Being unable to take care of my own home and my own body. Wallowing in self-pity. I know so many people living like that. I guess I've known those people a while but I've just recently been trying to put myself in their shoes...and that's got to be depressing. It would be horrible to lose my husband now, but what if we were married for 60 years?! Suddenly the person that's always been there by your side every day is gone. You're all alone. And I don't ever want to be living in such a way that I feel like I have no purpose, where I'm not helping others in some way.

I'm not trying to write a depressing blog. I'm trying to think about what I should be learning from this sadness that has recently come over me. I think one thing I'm learning is that I should appreciate my husband, my family, my friends, and my health more. But the sadness isn't just about being alone and physically dependent on others...like I said before, it's about feeling as though I have no purpose at that age. And being too depressed to seek out that purpose. I believe that whatever age you are, you have purpose. The day the Lord decides you will die, that's the day you have no more purpose here. I just never want to stop seeking out what that is.

So this is something that has been on my mind a lot the past few weeks as some of my patients have passed away, or their spouses have passed away and I've been hearing about how lonely they are now. I hope I haven't unbrightened your day. That's not my intention. Just think of this post as encouragement to appreciate what you've got and to know that no matter how old you are, there's a good reason you're alive.